other human beings. At most, he can waste his time and energies and thereby harm himself.

Even then, his philosophy should be: "I am doing this senseless act. How can I stop doing it?" instead of "I am doing this horrible act. How can I punish myself for it?"

Purely personal sex acts can never be socially destructive or wicked, and they are almost invariably harmless.

Masturbation, for instance, although less desirable than interpersonal sex acts, can actually be beneficial when other outlets are not easily available. (And it can virtually never be practiced to excess, since the individual automatically loses desire when he engages in it beyond his capacities.) Sexual fantasies, no matter how bizarre, are in themselves harmless, unless the fantasizer actually carries them out.

When one of these acts is performed as a substitute for interpersonal sexuality, its performance is still not shameful. But it may be neurotic; if so, it should be objectively admitted as such, and should be fought (if necessary through psychotherapeutic treatment) rather than used as a basis for self-condemnation.

Similarly with frigidity or impotence with one's mate. Certainly it is wrong-meaning inefficient or self-defeating-if one fails to satisfy oneself or one's partner in marriage. But if a man or woman is thus ineffective, this indicates only that he or she is a fallible human being-as who isn't, on one score or another? Fallibility should be calmly combatted, not shamefully accepted.

As for one's engaging in any of the legally accepted "perversions," -for example, having relations with one's husband or wife in other than the conventional ways-this is personal sex matter that 'our society has artificially and mistakenly made into an issue. There is nothing physically or psychologically "wrong" in such acts (assuming that they do not become exclusive or thoroughly fetishistic), and the mental health of mates who never get the urge to engage in them (rather than those who do) is seriously suspect. Feeling guilty on this count is absurd.

Even if one is a true sex deviate-for example, can enjoy only such nontraditional relations with one's mate-then the appropriate consequence should not be guilt or shame, but a quiet and collected trip to a psychologist or psychiatrist.

2. Be active and adventurous. Living is acting, moving, doing. And all we can count on is one pitifully short life. The more you attempt, the more you enjoy, in sex as in other areas.

So Susie may refuse you a kiss if you try for one. Or your husband may think you're a dud if you keep striving for a better kind of climax. So what?

mattachine REVIEW

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Will not trying to kiss Susie get you anyplace? Will avoiding sex relations with your husband enhance you sex ability? Most unlikely!

If you must feel ashamed of anything sexually-and I still recommend that you don't-then you had far better be afraid of not trying something you think you'll like than of trying and (for the nonce) risking failure.

3. Be yourself. You-not Mrs. Grundy-are the only real judge of your sex proclivities and pleasures. If John Jones can't fantasize very well or Grace Smith is in a continual sexual reverie about every movie star she sees, that's his or her problem. What do you want?

Find out. Try whatever you like sexually, as long as you don't impinge on the rights of others. If your personal sex longings are not listed in Kinsey, so what? Nor should you be worried if what you really enjoy is so universal that your best confidant thinks you are a perfect clod. Who's feeling your feelings, anyway? You are, I hope-and will continue unabashedly to feel them, whatever the current "fashion" in sex may be.

4. Be committed. A halfhearted acceptance of your own sexuality (or any other aspects of your being) usually denotes neurotic fear. You are unsure of what you want because, perhaps, you are afraid to find out what it really is. Perhaps what you want (for example, a beautiful sex partner) is difficult to get. Perhaps if you got what you wanted, others would disapprove.. Perhaps you might not want it so much once you did get it.

All right: But what's the problem? Certainly you may be rejected or become disillusioned if you strive for what you want sexually. But will you ever get anything you really want if you do not strive at all?

As the modern existentialists tell us, life is not a product, a result. Rather, it is a process, a being, a becoming. And without some kind of fullhearted commitment, the process lags, the becoming creeps. So with sex. Be your fully committed sexual self, so long as you do not harm others.

But what about the less personal, more social aspects of sex? What about such acts as premarital sex relations or adultery, which not only in1 volve other people besides yourself but in the course of which you may easily exploit, abuse, or harm these others?

Granted that our present-day sex code in regard to these socio-sexual affairs hasn't worked out too well (especially since the supposed prohibition of such affairs has most obviously not stopped them but merely driven most of them underground). What better code could be devised to set up in its place?

1. BE SEXUALLY INFORMED AND MATURE. The road to hell is paved with good intentions-andbad information. Most of the evils of sex relations, such as unwanted pregnancies, venereal diseases, and illegal abor-